Monday, March 9, 2009

Is how Kids are brought up seriously damaging to Crossdressers (and the rest of Transgender)

This was originally written for an MtF crossdressers forum hence the focus on MtF CDs rather than all of Transgender but I'm sure most readers will be astute enough to see the similarities and if any would like to raise differences or contrary views in comments then please do so!

Is how kids are brought up seriously damaging to CD's?
I've been considering the issues of why most CDs are in the closet, often well into marriages before they are able to come out to their wives if at all.

Why is that so? Usually we answer 'because society isn't accepting of CDs'...

That sounds logical but is it really how it works? Do we at whatever point we start CDing, from 3-4 through to teens, think to ourselves: 'Yup, this is who I am, but gee i better not tell anyone as society isn't accepting'?

I think that usually we are all well aware that it's taboo before we try on our first piece of womens clothing. Certainly as we see here many of us struggle daily with the reality that we are crossdressers.

From the very beginning of our lives we have been living ina gender-coded world. Colours, styles, toys, books, tv shows, clothes... almost in every case from baby to teen we have gender coded things. Cribs and mobiles and wallpaper and posters and comics... almost every single thing is gender coded.

And that coding is segregated. It's made clear that people are not suppossed to like the things from the other gender code. When we see examples of people doing so they are usually mocked or derided. It's made clear to boys growing up that 'throw like a girl' or 'act like a girl' are serious insults, as is Sissy.

Often conformity to the boy part of the code is enforced through violence or threats of violence, often enough that has even come from parents who considered it important to 'toughen up' their boys.

We get no role models of people crossing the gender line, we get no messages of acceptability of crossing the gender line. If we see or hear of it at all it's as a negative.

Is it any wonder most crossdressers live in, or pass through, intense fear and shame and guilt? Is it any wonder that we hide the full reality of being crossdressers even from ourselves?

Some can handle it better than others... but that is true of all things.

I think that the way we grow up is quite literally abusive. Not always intentionally so but abusive nonetheless. And that it abuses not just transgender kids but everyone else too. I think it is because of this that society struggles so much to accept us, that family and friends struggle so much to accept, that wives struggle so much and that CDs themselves struggle so much.

I think that to judge ourselves, to judge one another and to deal with the issues of CDing in marriages fairly we will have to accept that we have been abused. That it effects most of us profoundly emotionally and psychologically.

And that to get societies acceptance and ensure future generations will not suffer as badly as we then we will have to raise the public awareness of crossdressing.

Not just in our imediate streets and shopping malls and neighbourhoods by being out etc, though when any one of us is strong enough to do so it definately helps, but by getting the subject more, and importantly better, media exposure!

The next generation of teens have the advantage of the gender fluidity in some anime... but thats certainly not enough, just better. TS and CD teens still struggle with being TG.

So do you think I'm right? What are your views on the subject?


Carolyn Ann said...

Hi, there! You have an interesting blog, Battybattybats.

I look forward to any discussion on free speech you care to have! You promise to change my mind on the matter - I promise to not even try to sway you.

Indeed, in anticipation of such a discussion, I have put your blog on my "blog roll thingy". I am, most assuredly, not asking you to reciprocate!

What I do have to ask, however, is that you bear with the demands upon my time. Despite not having any pressing to abide by a clock, I do have some tasks that have to be taken care of before I sit at a computer. I also have a wonderful motorcycle or three, and will ride them with nary a consideration to any online debate I may be engaged in.

Carolyn Ann

PS If you decline to continue your offer, please leave me a note on my blog, and I will be saddened to remove your blog from my "blog list thingy".

Battybattybats said...

Hi Carolyn Ann.

All good discussions should involve changing ones mind whether becoming more convined less so or to learn more to the side of ones initial concepts. Thats whats really good about the interactions of different minds :) So Indeed I hope to learn more from discussing the subject with you.

And don't worry about time... if you read around here you'll see i have chronic fatigue syndrom so our conversation/s will take place at a leisurely pace :)

I'll create a new post just for our discussion. See you there :)