Saturday, January 3, 2009

First Meanderings of 2009

Well I'm back from visiting family, alas my symptoms are flaring and using my brain feels like swimming through treacle.

It literally feels like that, like pushing against and through resisting dense material.

So I hope you'll forgive the more likely scattered nature of my post.

On the personal level it's been a bit draining. It was good to see family members I'd not seen face-to-face in a year. We had some good times, we spent much of it wrapped in nostalgia watching dvds of cartoons enjoyed when kids and catching the black-and-white Quatermass which we'd not been able to see before and of course with a fair amount of shopping.

But it was also painful at times because of difficulties Mum was having with aspects of coming to terms with my being Transgender. At least she is trying, she is being supportive. I know transexuals who suffered horribly at the hands of their parents and suffered more because they never gained any acceptance or support from them their whole lives. I'm one of the very lucky ones indeed!

But being lucky doesn't make it easy. It doesn't make logical points made from lack-of-knowledge (I say that rather than ignorance because plenty of people I know consider it an offensive term to use. When did ignorance become a dirty word? Willfull ignorance is shamefull but appropriate to point out when that is what the case is, ordinary ignorance is universal amongst humans as none of us are omniscient!) and therefore incorrect any less painfull sometimes to hear.

I think thats a problem with many who comment on TG issues and many other issues. They may be making what appear to be logical deductions or raising logical issues but if it comes from limited knowledge or for that matter from stereotypes, assumptions or un unrealised bias then it often becomes unintentionally hurtful or in the case of many media opinion-spouters outright harmful. At least with many, like my Mum, they can be given data, analyse it, weigh it on its methodology and reconsider their opinions.

Alas many seem incapable of it. What is wrong with them? Are they sleepwalking through life to a degree that I even when my CFS Brain Fog is so severe I cannot contemplate basic arithmatic without severe pain and confusion yet cannot remotely imagine let alone sympathise with? Can they have their higher brain functions so suborned to their emotive functions that the capacity for rational thought is used only barely enough to try and rationalise whatever irrational illogical and I dare say utterly insane notions they have already espoused? Or can it be a deliberate and knowing lie used to try and save face by ignoring it when they discover they are wrong?

Like the Popes recent statement. Can he himself be bisexual and so incapable of imagining that there may be non-bisexual people that he thinks that the fair treatment of gay and transgender people will result in no-one procreating anymore? Could he be so utterly stupid? Or is it a deliberate attempt to save face by refusing to recognise that science once again is disputing part of their theology? Are gender-theorists and neurologists the new astronomers? The new geologists?

And I hear of more Transgender deaths. Some by murder and one because of the discrimination involved in sheltering someone based on birth anatomy. Religious or not charities and support services have a duty-of-care and if that means they have to change their systems to accomodate transgender people then thats what they are obliged to do. The hetero/cis-normative assumption used in these systemic injustices falls apart in the light of the existence of transexuals, of intersex, of women who rape women children and men. Only via ignorance or worse willful ignorance can suvh notions be maintained.

And it's not just the Salvation Army and the frozen woman on the church doorstep that this applies to. Tri-Ess also bears substantial scrutiny for the way they treat male-attracted crossdressers and those who when they come to terms with themselves need to transition. To turn people in need away is abhorant. Seemingly, from discussions on crosdresser forums, it is done to ensure that the wives of female-attracted crossdressers won't have their fears that their skirt-wearing husbands might be gay or transexual triggered by their presence. How abominable is that! It's manipulative of the wives, it abandons the needs of those wives too whose husbands do turn out to be bisexual etc or transexual.

Complaining about 'activists' and drag queens and transexuals etc for stirring things up, for the lack of acceptance they experience especially from their partners and arguing for their exclusion for selfish personal benefit.

The idiotic and nonsensical divisions amongst sections of the sex and gender diverse communities are built on such pathetic pretense at reasoning! And I note that I'd heard most of the arguments before... from the more hostile and irrational ravings of some amongst the HBS advocates.

People pushing those divisions cause real harm. People pushing stereotypes that dismiss the diversity of humanity do real harm. If we do not work together, if we dismiss the more different because they dont fit the average or the standard or the image one wishes to portray then we cause real harm.

Now all that said I'm far from without hope. There is much that can be done to build bridges between communities so they can work together on shared and related issues. There are many people who just need to be inspired, or who wish they could help but don't know how they can do so.

As for Mum. Well while she still is working through this (heck so am I too) she took me shopping for clothes, and after we watched To Wong Foo (I'd picked it up when shopping having not seen it and we'd had our fill of 80's cartoons and finished Quatermass) the hug she gave me was painfully wonderful. That's something that many TG people I've met never got. A hug from their Mum after coming out.

We need to work together, HBS TS CD DQ DK GQ IS etc etc so that more people get hugs from their Mums, so that less freeze to death on church doorsteps, so that everyone is treated as equal.