Friday, July 11, 2008

You win some you lose some

So it turns out a good friend has issues with trans. Not transexuals but with drag queens and crossdressers.

And one i thought wouldn't be such a problem too. Sigh. I'd dropped plenty of hints over a long time with him, I'd hoped he'd already cottoned on.
I don't think he completely got that I actually am a crossdresser even after I said it though, I think a little denial kicked in and he responded as if I'd said it less than entirely seriously but confessed his issues with DQ's and CD's. The rest of the visit went well but...

And there's me wearing eyeliner (admittedly mostly worn off) and nails painted dark red a half inch longer than my fingertips (a lot more obvious).

And as I only see him every so often trying to slowly get him used to the idea is not going to work very well. That's a 16 year old friendship right there that I might not be able to preserve.

To understate: that does not make me happy.

This however comes on the heels of another good long-term friend that I had been worried about coming out to taking it really well.

I also find out that some of the folk I've been gaming with every week for months now are a bit transphobic. Looks like being a goth has helped me out there. Hopefully a bit of time and gradual exposure will work on them too.

But I knew my run of luck with accepting folk would end and I can only move at a pace comfortable to me.

I don't think the full enormity that i very likely might lose this good and dear friend entirely has really hit home yet. I haven't started crying yet, I just have that horrible hollow feeling in the top of my chest.

And PhyllisMs got banned at Pam's House Blend.
I honestly tried to get through to her plenty of times. I tried logic i tried reason and rhetoric too. No matter what though she was just pushing her agenda and coming up with excuses to justify it. She just went too far, she went back to being insulting again and ended up being called out on it.

It's a win in that I won't have her accusing me of attacking her by disagreeing with her or of ignoring the issues and attacking her while I'm actually addressing the issues and she's just restating her base views and attacking me. But it's a lose in that not only did I not convinve her of my argument (or find hers convincing, that too would have been good) but now she's gone there's a missed opportunity to try and show her I'm not the ogre or monster she seemed to think I am. I just thought her view on one issue was both unsupportable and disasterous and was compelled to point out it's flaws and possible alternate solutions everytime she started preaching on the subject.

And the temperature here is freezing. A bit of snow, some wind and even sitting next to the heater I'm cold. And to top it all off a few late nights has messed up my sleep patterns again so I'm up still a 1:16, horribly cold and typing this.

Oh well. There is yet time to change minds and educate. I may still figure out a way to reach some of the harder-to-reach folks yet.


Zoe Brain said...

You managed to reach one. Me. So keep on going.

Battybattybats said...

Thanks Zoe!

Your encouragement is much appreciated :)

I'm clawing back my positivity slowly. I've been really quite lucky so far. It really makes me feel for those who lose their whole families when they come out!