I have learned some recent lessons. Here are some of them:
1. Insomnia + Brain Fog + Gary Numen = amusing bad blog posts (see last blog post)
2. Reactions of people to some issues can never be accurately predicted. Two friends I thought would be the most likely to be transphobic are amongst the most accepting while one I thought would be less of a problem is the most problematic.
3. There will always be new surprises. I've been running games of Conspiracy X (a roleplaying game involving conspiracies, ufo's, the paranormal etc) for years. No two groups of players have been alike but it still ends up with some degree of cliche's in the characters people envision. This genre has it's commonalities, the tough cynical ruthless spook, the compassionate investigator, the slightly quirky psychic or mystic.. but I was unprepared for the Amish Carpenter! Yep, a game about high-tech espionage, cloak and dagger conspiracies threaded through governments, aliens and monsters and secret societies... and one player decides to create an amish carpenter for that game! A delightful circumstance that really allowed for a lot of depth and exploration of political, social and cultural issues.
4. No old wound ever heals completely. It's the nature of human thought I think, the way our conciousness is built up of interconnected patterns or habits of thought, that results in old wounds reopening from time to time. Some things always will hurt, rejection always sucks, but the emotional callouses we build up over time peel away over time too leaving us raw and freshly vulnerable.
So where to from here? Well I'll try to remember these lessons to start with. I'll try and improve in the struggle of managing my symptoms while trying to fit in some quality of life. I'll try and ponder how to try and help my friend deal with his issues with crossdressers. And at some point i'll try and get back to where I left my last writing and sculpture projects.
And I'll smile. Because the best lesson is that just when you think you have the world mapped out, that you can predict it successfully, along come some wondrous moments of being delightfully proven wrong. Being wrong means there is more to learn, there is newness, difference. And difference is valueable.
Now I have no idea what the future might bring and that is glorious.
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