So the other day i tried to join in a game of Warhammer 40,000 that some friends were wanting to play. I knew I was feeling more tired than most days and I knew that Spring would likely trigger a bit of a flare-up of my CFS.
About halfway into the first turn of the game the crash hit and I went from participant to half asleep spectator and over 3 days later the crash is not yet over, just lessoned a bit.
So I'm having periodic mental blanks, confusion, language troubles and housework is a pain. I'm too tired to do even 5 minutes of tai chi let alone walk around the block.
I've had this damn illness more than half my damn life and I'm so sick of it!
What happened to that medicinal chocolate stuff I once heard about having promising effects on CFS? Why is it almost everyone I meet knows someone with this debilitating life destroying illness and yet there's just about no resources or support?
Its a constant drain on my existence making every single thing more difficult from the largest to the smallest.
In other news the AHRC has put out an initial proposal for reforming sex documentation law... an improvement over the current situation but far from actually being consistent with Human Rights! Being able to have documentation changed to be recognised as male or female now would require some medical or surgical treatment rather than full SRS which is good for many but its not good enough! However they've added a third sex.. and they have called it Intersex! That understandably has a few people quite upset at this sudden new meaning of the word. And thats just for starters on the human rights issues in this proposal cause there will be gatekeepers of one sort or another in the process too.
They really should instead be looking into doing away entirely with sex markers on documentation! They are hardly used at all except for the purpose of unjust discrimination.
Meanwhile Intersex (by the original meaning of the word) children are still at risk of unethical permanant surgery! I'm still not covered by antidiscrimination and antivillification legislation and there are huge amounts of issues yet to cover.
Meanwhile I am stuck having to change into guy-clothes to visit friends I'm out to and change once I'm there because some of the local taxi drivers are substantial gossips so until/unless I am ready to be out as a crossdresser entirely then I have no transport unless I conform my appearance to at least androgynous, thank goodness for being a Goth!
So here I am with not enough strength and energy for most basic tasks, cognitively impaired, trying to manage to relax my 'act like a guy' survival habits when I have the opportunity to be social with people who know, trying to work out how to judge dangers and safety, trying to cope with loneliness frustration and the cornocopia of issues that being disabled and transgender combine to create.
I wish someone would hurry up with an effective cure or treatment for my disability so I could get back to fighting for my rights, the rights of others and making the most of my life and contributing to society!
More tha 16 years I've been suffering a bad case of this. It's like being only half-alive and I have a lot of catching up to do!
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